Problems That Can Occur in Long-Term Filipina/Western Marriages

*Guest post by Ted - an old friend of mine...* Hi Jeff, I have read your new immigration site and it seems very good. All the advice on it is of course valid and I hope potential clients will take the time to think about everything before embarking on a life changing course of action. After thinking about what you have to say for a couple of weeks, I would like to mention one or two points concerning problems which arise in long-term marriages with Filipinas. ## When Initial Problems Are Resolved Once a marriage has lasted twenty-five to thirty years, perhaps even twenty years, these contentious issues will have reached a stable state; if they have not then the marriage would probably have ended long ago. It goes without saying that a "stable state" may be far from what you or I would consider ideal or even remotely acceptable. At the present time I notice several unfortunate instances of two preventable situations in older Filipinas. ## The Health Problem The first concerns health. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and chronic joint problems are very widespread among even middle-aged Filipinas here. The average Filipino eats a diet sodden with fat, sugar and salt, which ingestion is worsened by exposure to appalling Western influence. None of them take exercise, let alone train. Despite rigorous conditions, my wife's parents lived to ninety, as did many of their contemporaries. Life forced them to be physically active and they rarely overate. I would be very surprised if any at all of their children reached ninety. While it might be a quaint custom, the incessant copious eating of white rice is a wonderful foundation for diabetes. Brown rice, basmati rice and brown breads are a much healthier substitute. Again, there is this absurd social notion that anything white is somehow superior, and brown rice and bread is for poor people. ## Exercise and Activity Exercise appears to almost court ostracism. It seems a mark of achievement that Filipinas do as little as possible, regard inactivity as a virtue. A new husband probably sees no reason to address this. He wants to shoulder burdens and be a traditional husband. On closer thought, however, the truth is that he also has a higher duty to preserve his wife's health into the distant future. After all, the age gap in most Filipina marriages means the wife will almost certainly be left alone at some point. ## The Independence Problem This fact brings me to the second problem - an alarming incidence of conditioned helplessness and cultivated ignorance in Filipina widows. One would think that over twenty or more years of cohabitation, a dutiful husband would have had the decency to see his wife knew the skills necessary to exist in Western society. Most of them cannot change a tap washer. Most do not realise that a signature is binding and that every document must be understood first. Many do not understand about probate, about wills, and in most cases actual will content appears not to have been discussed at all between wife and husband. The widow is left vulnerable to marauding relatives and, in a depressed emotional state, becomes easy prey to manipulative people. I know because I have seen it, I have had to sort it out, and it annoys me immensely because it is totally unnecessary. *Ted has more than 30 years of marriage to a Filipina under his belt. I thank him for his willingness to share his insights.*