The Male Eunuch - A Victim of the Burning Bra

This is really more of a Western-stemmed cultural problem than a Filipino problem. Filipinos and Filipinas themselves have very little problem in this area, but the mentally-castrated male can have all sorts of problems. And this can and will affect the relationship. Western men have spent the last 40 years under a cloud of guilt. When we try to be decisive, strong, reliable or merely by breathing, we risk being patriarchal and dominating. "Male" has almost become something of a swear word, eg. "That's just so male!", and "discovering our feminine side" is apparently always a positive thing. ## The Male Eunuch Problem So what do we get? Men scared to be men. He visits his girl in the Philippines. He agrees to everything. He has no opinion about anything, lest he be accused of being patriarchal and dominating. When the relatives try to take advantage, he meekly opens his wallet. He's proud of his cooking skills and his willingness to share the household chores (or even to do most of them). She, on the other hand, has grown up in a society where men are men and women are women... and unlike us enlightened westerners, they're quite happy with this scenario. Men in the Philippines don't want to discover their feminine side, and girls are happy to be girls. They expect their man to be masculine. They don't have a problem with him relaxing over a few beers at the end of a hard day, and they're happy to make him dinner and wash up the dishes afterwards. ## What Filipinas Want No, again, they're not slaves or "trained to please men". They have little time for tyrants and insensitive clods, but they are happy that their man wears the trousers. They WANT him to take care of them and protect them, and they EXPECT that he has an opinion and has the courage to express it. ## Finding Balance And I'm not in any way suggesting that you become a tyrant. This is not about getting your own way. They say that a smart man makes the major decisions in his family... but he makes sure the decisions he makes are the ones his wife will be happy with. Men are better at handling tough decisions and situations, and women are better at fine details. Men are more logical, and women more emotional. Rather than anybody apologising for their nature, isn't it better to simply respect and enjoy each other's strong points? However, if you act like a Male Eunuch, or a doting, spineless jellyfish whom she can't rely on or respect, then don't blame her if she takes over and becomes dominant herself. Respect is something that needs to be earned. And don't be scared to speak your mind! ## Things to Remember - Don't give more money to relatives than you're happy with - Don't try to sponsor relatives if you're not really happy to do so - Don't put off her immigration because her mother doesn't want her to leave - Don't just agree to everything simply because it's what she wants - Don't have your bed full of 7yr old and 8yr old children if you don't agree with this