Lies and Family Interference

We had a case once of a woman who had been living apart from her husband for years, and had a child to someone else after the estrangement. The child was never declared in the visa application. You're thinking what's the problem? Well, the father of her child was a relative of the husband! Had the sponsor even seen the child while he was there? Maybe the husband too? Obviously everybody knew except him. Was she being terrible and evil by doing this? Probably not. She was no longer in a relationship with the husband. They've been apart for many years. She was just hoping it would go away by itself, and considered it to be embarrassing and shameful, plus she would have worried about losing him. And no doubt mum, aunties, sisters and/or cousins would have also advised her to keep quiet about it all. Another one, I won't go into the details as they're a bit complicated, but the applicant asked us not to tell her husband something! Again, it was just something she was embarrassed about, and was hoping would go away by itself. In this case we've told her bluntly that we don't keep secrets from husbands, especially as the husband is usually the one paying the bills! ## Dealing With Lies As husbands or fiancés of Filipinas, you will have to deal with this issue. Lies and withholding the truth, you won't be able to tolerate. They will damage your relationship. And from a visa application perspective, lies will cause major problems and possibly visa refusals. At worst it could lead to fraud charges. So you MUST insist on complete transparency in your relationship. Insist on the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Build your relationship on trust and transparency. Let her see that you won't run away at the first sign of something "shameful". ## Family Interference The other issue is that of family interference. Girls here are accustomed to toeing the family line. They do as they're told. Mums, older sisters, aunties and older cousins……they all give instructions, and these instructions are followed mostly to the letter. And everybody is an expert, regardless of whether they know nothing about the subject area. YOU must establish your presence, and not as a spineless grinning man with an open wallet! You may ruffle a few feathers, but so be it. If you don't, then expect family interference for many years to come. I've included this in the "lies" section, because family interference and lies often go hand in hand.