Kids and Stepkids

HUGE can of worms! We all love our kids, and we take our parenting very seriously. If you have kids, or if your lady is a single mum with kids, then you will have things you need to deal with. One thing is for certain and that is that NO kid will feel obligated to change and adjust to suit the situation. After all it wasn't THEIR idea that mum (or dad) married this person. But they are human beings too, and their feelings matter. ## Filipino kids Filipino kids will generally have an innate respect for adults, so you generally won't have to deal with surliness or backchatting. But you will have other issues to deal with. And please don't toss the baby out with the bathwater! I'm emphasizing problems here, but that's because no one has to "deal with" or fix something that's good. Try to identify the things in the child's upbringing (eg. respect for elders) which are good, and don't encourage the child to swap them for negative traits, just because they are Aussie-kid things. Aussie society is becoming increasingly permissive when it comes to raising kids, and (in my opinion at least) it can have some very negative results. ## Respect Note that Filipino kids are accustomed to having to treat adults with respect. They may not have the same table manners, and they may initially make a mess in the bathroom, but they generally won't be surly or cheeky. And they will have grown up envious of other kids who had a dad at home. They need a dad, and a dad is what you need to become. They don't need an "Uncle Steve", or a large and hairy schoolmate-impersonator. If you let them do as they wish, with no rules, they'll lose all respect for you and will run wild. So make sure you talk about these issues with your wife-to-be, and present a united front. ## Language Issue Chances are that, just like mum, the child will have been taught English at school, but will speak Tagalog or the local dialect by way of preference. The child will have as much difficulty with Aussie mumbling as any other Filipino, and may not understand much unless you make a strong effort to speak clearly. We brought our young daughter to Australia a number of years ago. I married a single mum myself, so I've been there and done that! Now, some may disagree with this, but we made a strict rule of English-only speaking in the house. Within 6 months she spoke perfect English. In less than a year she had an Aussie accent you could cut with a knife! Kids are wonderfully adaptable. ## Food Issues Food issues will also come up. They will be the same issues as you will have with their mum. Give and take! But I have to say that the Filipino diet, especially for kids, is often appalling. Kids are usually fed mountains of white rice, with little scraps of fatty meat and little or no vegetables. We have three kids. Two of them adopted. They all arrived with hollow cheeks and legs like sticks. We reduced the rice intake to about 1/3. We supplied about the same quantity of vegetables and same quantity of meat as the rice intake. They attained healthy weights and stopped getting sick within weeks.